12.1.13

A+


Okay, it needs to be said
I'm a perpetual student
I can't help but deflate like a wimpy, empty balloon
when words on the evaluation are
"But,"
"You need to"
"serious"
"problem"
Followed by a number slapped on your ideas, your presence, your voice
I can't help but question my existence 
my worthiness, my worthwhileness
when every idea of myself falls through a trapdoor
replaced by nothing
but a teary, shaking, dusty force that says
"You suck, you were wrong and every nice thought you had about yourself was ill-founded."
Though I know this was not their intention
I know they did their best to be objective and constructive 

But, there is a serious problem
when you are tied to something so
shifting, imaginary, arbitrary 
your whole body floats on a blinking platform that
collapses as much as it rises
I don't know what I need to do to change this
I wish I could trash this anxiety
and emerge without feeling like a silly, vulnerable child

Maybe I'll add to this poem when I have an answer
Maybe you could answer me in verse


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1 comments:

Benjamin said...

The answer, sometimes, is to just fly away.

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